Commencing with Being a Mom
My son's kinder commencement is tomorrow and I am feeling very normal, I swear
I am witnessing so many of my mom friends this year deal with the emotional juggernaut that is watching their children graduate high school. High school! These are kids I’ve either known since birth, toddler-hood, or that sweet age when they were showing me their loose teeth. And, somehow, my instagram algorithm knows this because my feed is suddenly filled with teary reels of “first day of kindergarten” photos juxtaposed with their child in a graduation cap. I cry at every single one!
My son is having his kindergarten commencement today. He’s been talking about it for weeks and singing the songs he’s been practicing for just as long. When my husband planned a trip to see his family last week, he had asked Alexander how he would feel if Daddy missed the commencement (in his defense! He planned the trip way before he knew the date). A’s big brown eyes got huge and glassy and my husband crawled into a hole of dad shame. Needless to say, we will all be there today.
When he graduated from preschool last year, I was a wreck. I am not actually one of those parents who looks at old baby photos and misses all the stages that have passed. Truly, I did not enjoy those early stages as I have mentioned before. Every day, I delight in my child more than the day before. But there was something so scary about sending off my child into a real school with a lot of kids, away from the teacher who had known him since he was two and potty-trained him (preschool teachers do not get paid nearly enough, they should make more money than these losers trying to kill our planet and brains with AI). Those fears were soon dashed. We love the school A goes to, and the families and staff and everyone there. And, yes, a “commencement” is a cute way to show them going into real grades but he is staying at the same school with the same kids. So, it’s not as monumental.
But I do want to take a moment, even if just in this Substack that I have been using like a diary, to think about the past year because the changes in my child since he started kindergarten is legit insane. And maybe this might resonate with some of the parents reading this, too. (Did all of you know kids change so much?!)
The first two months of kinder were very hard. No one ever told me (and I don’t blame my mom friends—you forget a lot of the hard things to survive!) that the transition to kinder is fucking brutal. They go from their fun, cozy lil’ preschool to a very rigorous school day, and in our case, aftercare for a couple hours. Aftercare is free at LAUSD and I so appreciate it—but they turn absolutely feral there lol. And by the time we would get our son, he was a wreck. He was defiant in a way that I had never witnessed before, not even when he was three. It was so rough that I eventually signed up for some family counseling. It helped a ton, and so did talking to mom friends. He’s regulated since then, but whoa was that hard.
I don’t know how A’s kindergarten teacher taught him and 21 other little humans how to read, write, do math, and learn about science in a few measly months. I am gobsmacked at the speed in which he learned. He went from writing his name like a scribbly abstract piece of art to having better handwriting than his dad. He reads books by himself in the morning. (dream) He reads my texts over my shoulder! (dangerous) He does subtraction for fun at the dinner table. (nervous laughter) He tells me about photosynthesis. (nostalgia) Listen, I am not saying all this as a humblebrag—I am pretty sure all the kids in his class know this stuff, too. That is…INSANE! I am so impressed by their brains and their teacher. Real school—who knew?!
He now kind of understands “school” and what the phases coming up in his life are. He’s beyond excited for first grade (he think he will become a first-grader after school is over), and then for being in sixth grade because that means top banana status at school. Then middle school because that’s when you are a real big kid. And then graduating high school because then you go to college, “Just like Jason!” <- Jason being one of my friends’ kids who graduated lol. It’s both exciting and a little bittersweet to see my kid process what life stages are.
So, yes, I am feeling normal about this. Being a parent of a bigger kid is so much more fun for me than it was being a parent of a toddler. So much to look forward to and isn’t that the best thing about having a kid? Hope personified.
Thanks for letting me Mom out,
x M A U X
x x This week’s read: The Unicorn Hunter by Katherine Arden. Arden wrote one of my fave fantasy series of all time, Winternight, and this one just compels me with its gorgeous cover, intriguing premise (royal marriages! enchanted forests! UNICORNS??). Her writing is gorgeous I can’t wait.
x x x This week’s listen: I am very much digging the latest album from Sunmi, Heartmaid (came out last year but just relishing it now for some reason)—she is maybe my favorite Kpop artist?? Her stuff is poppy but edged with a little something off-kilter. She is such a queen.
x x x x This week’s watch: Hacks. Just finished the series finale the other night and am pretty bereft, tbh. This was maybe one of my favorite shows of all time. Hilarious, raw, and deeply funny did I mention. The last season was a bit uneven compared to others but who cares I’ll love it forever.
Sorry, sorry… I know this isn’t the point of the post but I vote for the outfit with the Rachel Comey sweatshirt.
On a serious note, I almost can’t think too much about Kinder commencement because my youngest goes to kindergarten in the fall and I’m already a tiny emo about it.
my daughter has her pre-k graduation this week and I’m feeling all the feels too - such a wild ride!