Let's Talk About Spice
Okay, to be honest, I find using the word “spice” to describe “sexiness” kind of cringey and infantilizing. We are all adults here (for the most part? HI MY TEEN READERS, you should only read this if you feel comfy reading about sex!), so let’s use the words.
All that said, I want to talk about writing sex scenes.
So, I read a lot of romance novels. I have read all the sex scenes. I am not in any way squeamish about them. I have strong feelings on what makes a good one and what makes a really, really bad one (tl;dr, Just don’t use weird words).
As a writer, I have yet to write a sex scene. Not publish but literally write one. Granted, most everything I’ve written so far are young adult novels that skew toward the younger side. And I am just not the author to go to for sex in YA. I was but an NSYNC-loving nerd in my youth, what would I know of sex between teens?
But I am writing a book for adults now. A book that, I think, is firmly a rom-com. (Unless something significant changes in this revision I’m writing). I sent out that first draft to my agent and trusted readers and got one big, resounding note: You need to have some sex in this book.
Not, you need detailed descriptions of fornication, but more like–you need some description of some sort of activity leading to sex. Because we know these hot characters are banging.
My reaction to these notes was something like…chagrined emoji mixed with sweat drop emoji mixed with a wailing noooooo emoji.
I am working on it, don’t worry. And I found what I think is my sex-writing comfort zone: The scenes are closed-door, but leading to that door, I get plenty sexy. I hope it’s sexy. What I find sexy may be your “ho-hum” or “lol what” or “ick.”
To me, the best sex scenes are always sexy (lol but you’d be surprised…?), always move character development, and invoke feelings that feel incredibly earned when they finally do it.
There you have it. The most I will ever discuss sex.
An Event!
LA: I’ll be in conversation with pal and bestselling author, Morgan Matson (
) on May 6! We’ll be at The Ripped Bodice, you can get tickets here!
Hope it’s warming up where you are and taking care!
x M A U X
x x Currently reading: Bride by Ali Hazelwood. Wow, didn’t know I needed a paranormal romance from the sciencey, hilarious, and horny brain of Ali Hazelwood but yes, yes I did.
x x x Currently listening to: The Tortured Poets Department by Taylor Swift. Been on repeat, and will be on repeat until its notes are just part of the grooves of my brain. I both love it and am critical of it and such is the life of someone who loves Taylor.
x x x x Currently watching: Shogun. Just started this and woo boy I am already sucked in. Gimme all the costumes, intrigue, and very good-looking people.
x x x x x Currently buying: I am not a big makeup person and no one looks to me for that kinda advice BUT I bought the first pencil eyeliner in DECADES that I actually love. So smooth and has staying power–Make Up For Ever’s Aqua Resist Color Pencil Eyeliner. I got the warm brown and am obsessed. First time changing up my liquid cat-eye in so long, who even am I?? (Hot tip: I use a smudge brush to smush it out a little so you don’t have to be so perfect about it)
I just want to say thank you for using the actual word (sex) instead of “spice” - I’ve never liked using that term to describe sex scenes in books, either!
Agree completely with all of this. I have this rule that my characters can't even KISS until an emotional connection has been made. I can write certain scenes out of sequence, but the moments before a kiss MUST be linear and cohesive for me. Same with sex. Emotion before motion.😉